We need a resolution

You've made me weak.

It's been a long time since I needed to write the screams I kept inside my head. I had them trapped, for my own good, for my own sake.

But now I'm sure you've made me weak.

Not because you've made me sad (yet), but because I feel that eventually you will. And that certainty is what is taking all my strenght. I wanna cry my heart out, I feel this knot in my chest that don't matter what I do it just don't go away.

Whenever I hear a word coming out of your mouth, whenever I read a sentence written by you, I always feel my heart in my hands. I know that it will come the day that you'll break me apart.

You've made me weak.

I've been in love, one too many times I might add. But isn't it what is supposed to be? This quest for someone good? Even though all the facts point the other direction, I still believe in it. I believe even though I'm weak.

I've been in love. I've been torn apart. I even needed some time off to get myself together. And here I am. writting after over a year. Because I need to let it out!

I feel like I'm drowning and I don't want to. Who's to blame? Me? You? My head? Your mind?

I'm not sure, and yet I have no doubts.

I'm weak. I'm drowning. And I know you won't be there to rescue me.

Who's fault is that?

Stuck

You've moved on, but you're still here. 

I'm still here, and yet, i moved on. 

I moved on and yet i'm stuck in here. 

Am I making any sense?

When i thought i was fine, i realised i was not.

I can't be. And i knew it from the beggining.

You were my everything. 

But now I understand it.

You were my everything because i gave you everything I had.

But guess what?

I want it back.

Goodbye my lover, Goodbye my friend

Tu estavas. Tu eras. Nós eramos.
Mas já não o somos mais.
Espero e (des)espero.

Mas tu não estás. Tu já não o és. Nós já não o somos.

"You've made me weak. You've made me stronger."

Back. And alive.

Ausência desmedida.

Medida e sem sabor.

Com sabor e sentida.

As mãos tremem, o coração pára de bater. Tudo fica menos claro à minha volta, menos azul, menos colorido, menos definido. Sinto-me presa de uma forma desprendida, onde tudo o que eu peço é que me prendas enquanto me libertas deste ciclo em torno da escada em caracol, que me leva para a frente ao mesmo tempo que me obriga a olhar para trás.

Olho para o ontem e não percebo. Nem o amanhã entenderei. Nem a mim me entendo. Mas no meio deste meu querer, és tu quem me confunde nesse teu labirinto mental.

Perco-me e encontro-me, sem saber quem sou e o que poderei ser.

Perco-me e encontro-me, sem saber de onde venho e para onde vou.

i still got nothing to say. im dead inside, i'm weak. im torn apart.

Eu sei...

Eu sei que não tenho escrito. Eu sei que não tenho falado. Eu sei.

Eu sei o quanto ainda guardo comigo, cá dentro. Eu sei. (e só eu sei)

Eu sei o quanto me apetece gritar para recuar no tempo até ao tempo em que era eu mesma, e não o que hoje sou. Pois esta não sou eu. Eu sou outra. Melhor. Diferente.

Eu sei que ando a pensar de mais e a fazer de menos. Eu sei.

Eu sei o quanto me magoam ainda certas coisas, e o porquê não o sei. (nem quero saber)

Eu sei o medo que eu tenho. Eu sei o medo que tu tens. Eu sei que tu devias fazer com que o deixasse de ter. Será que sei?

Vem e diz-me tudo o que me falta saber. Mas diz-me em alto e bom som. De forma a não me esquecer amanhã, quando mais dessa sabedoria precisar. Vem e faz-me ver o que me falta ouvir. Mostra-me quem és e o que podemos ser.

Espero por ti.

Vens?

"Virgo Love Horoscope
If you are a normally shy person, well it's time to get some courage up and step out into the bright lights in any of your most intimate relationships. This isn't a time to think you don't deserve everything you're little heart desires, quite the opposite in fact. YOU DO deserve everything your heart desires so speak up! "

so true :x

i'm just afraid of loving you with all my heart.

is this non sense?

taking 2011 by storm, falling in love

"It's not like I won't find someone new, you know.

We both know it's not exactly a question about lack of choice. It's only a matter of time before I stumble across that person who will somehow make my world magic again. Just by looking at me he'll put a hundred different feelings in my body and my head will go completely blank when he smiles. My heart will skip a beat from the slightest sound of my phone, and everything I do when he's not around will be colored by his absence.

I will meet someone who doesn't have that need of playing games and instead of following all kinds of rules, simply follows his heart. Someone who makes me wanna look past all the times I've been hurt and feel like it's actually worth risking everything again. Someone who makes me wanna fight my fears of opening up so I can let him in, because the thought of him not knowing me completely is far worse than my fear of rejection.

He will sigh at my stupid jokes and the way I tend to forget stuff and mess everything up, but deep down he'll love it because love's not about accepting each others flaws, it's about loving them because they make us who we are. I will find somebody for whom I am prepared to show not just the strong, independent side of me that the rest of the world know, but also the insecurities that make me wake up in the middle in the night crying because I'm sick of hurting.

He will not give me my confidence back or make me love myself again. I have no need for a fairytale prince who lifts me up on his white horse and saves me. He will make me complete though, in a way no one has ever done before, and together we will get struck by love so hard that nothing will ever be the same again. You see, I know he's out there and I won't stop until I find him. Cause I deserve nothing less than to love someone who loves me back and this I know. So there's really no need for you to worry. He could be right around the corner when I walk out this door today.

The thing is,
With all my heart
I still wish he could have been you."

de facto i really am

sis

At first you loved me, I didn't care, it was fun. You were beautiful, not as much in your body as in your smile and your all-loving nature. I got addicted to your attention but I wasn't ready for the closeness. At last i surrendered, and that is the story of how I lost it all. It endured for 12 agonizing months. We both changed in the wrong direction. We came too far from what we really were inside. Now love is gone. It was untrue to my heart, and cruel to yours to be like that. I'm too selfish. I always ended up getting hurt from some indifferent things you said, and I always thought it was something terrible about how you didn't like me anymore - anything could be translated to this.

It's like this baby I once heard of. She lived in an orphanage where the "parents" didn't give the children enough to drink. After 1½ year of only the very smallest amount of water the girl was taken away, she was placed in a new family. The new parents wondered why she would go around hiding cups and glasses of water all over their house, in the strangest of places. But knowing her story, they wouldn't have wondered at all... I wish I was wise and knew always what to say. I wish I was cool and always sweet and helpful. But the fact is I wasn't. I was just too busy running around trying to hide your love in so many places that in the end we both got so confused that we even forgot how to be friends. I wish I could go back and change it all, maybe slap my self in the head and make me understand that sometimes saying and doing nothing is the most loving thing you can do. Love is, when you write about it, easily becoming clichés, that is because love in its form IS a cliché, but love in its art is very rare. I think I've learned my lesson. Wish you'd come back to me Elaine...

Guybrush

tenho vergonha de ti. mesmo a séééériooooo. god. qual orgulho qual quê. mas puff.

bang bang you're dead!

im kinda afraid of falling in love again, it's been absolutely perfect, sorry for being such a chicken :x i wanna let you in. you've been exactly what i wanted and needed, so please, pleaseee don't hurt me anymore okay? i swear, my heart and head are already too bruised to be harmed again by a fancy boy.

please, be a prince charming okay?

"This could be nothing, but i'm willing to give it a try."

"Tu não perdes pela demora, e no fim tudo se evapora"

nojo.

He ate my heart.

preciso de paz de espírito. preciso de fingir que nós nunca existimos. não há outra maneira possível. continuas a fazer o meu coração acelerar e ao mesmo tempo consegues fazê-lo parar. pleaseee finge que não existes pode ser?

riscar o que ja fiz. ja faltou mais

01. Pagar bebidas pros seus amigos.
02. Pegar num tubarão.
03. Dizer “eu te amo” sentindo amor de verdade.
04. Abraçar uma árvore.
05. Achar que vai morrer.
06. Ficar acordado a noite inteira só pra ver o sol nascer.
07. Cultivar e comer suas próprias frutas e vegetais.
08. Dormir sob as estrelas.
09. Mudar a fralda de uma criança.
10. Ver uma estrela cadente.
11. Ficar embriagado.
12. Doar coisas para caridade.
13. Não dormir por 24 horas.
14. Olhar para o céu e achar o cruzeiro do sul.
15. Ter um ataque de riso na pior altura possível.
16. Fazer uma luta de comida.
17. Apostar e perder.
18. Convidar um estranho para sair.
19. Fazer guerrinha de papel.
20. Pegar num cordeiro.
21. Gritar o mais alto que puder.
22. Andar de montanha russa.
23. Dançar como um louco e não se preocupar se estão olhando.
24. Falar com sotaque por um dia inteiro.
25. Estar mesmo feliz com a tua vida.
26. Ter dois Hard Drives para o computador.
27. Conhecer o teu país.
28. Cuidar de alguém embriagado.
29. Ter amigos fantásticos.
30. Dançar com um estranho.
32. Ficar de coração partido mais tempo do que se esteve realmente apaixonado.
33. Sentar na mesa de um estranho num restaurante e comer com ele.
39. Brincar na lama.
40. Brincar na chuva.
41. Apaixonar-se e não ficar de coração partido.
42. Fazer uma arte marcial.
43. Entrar num filme.
44. Ser penetra numa festa.
45. Ficar sem comer 5 dias.
46. Fazer um bolo sozinho.
47. Fazer uma tatuagem.
48. Receber flores sem razão.
49. Representar num palco.
50. Gravar música.
(51. Ter um caso de uma noite.) --'
52. Guardar um segredo.
53. Cantar bem alto no carro e não parar quando perceber que tem gente olhando.
54. Sobreviver a uma doença em que se podia ter morrido.
55. Perder dinheiro.
56. Cuidar de alguém com dor de cotovelo.
57. Fazer uma festa legal.
58. Por um piercing.
59. Partir o coração de alguém.
60. Evitar alguém de propósito.
61. Andar a cavalo.
62. Fazer uma grande cirurgia.
63. Ter uma foto sua num jornal.
64. Mudar a opinião de alguém sobre alguma coisa em que acreditas profundamente.
65. Fazer de um inseto um animal de estimação.
66. Selecionar um autor importante que não trabalhou na escola e lê-lo.
67. Comunicar-se com uma pessoa sem partilharem uma língua em comum.
68. Escrever a sua própria linguagem no computador.
69. Pensar que está vivendo um sonho.
70. Pintar o cabelo.
71. Salvar a vida de alguém.